It's All About Saving Grace...

Hello! This is a "promo blog" for this really cool event I think you should attend!! And here's why, in a nut shell:

Point of Grace is AWESOME and has AWESOME music praising our AWESOME Jesus!
And, Saving Grace is an AWESOME ministry reaching some AWESOME girls in the name of our AWESOME Jesus! :D

But, for reals, this event is very near and dear to my heart. Here's why, in a slightly larger nutshell. :)

Growing up, my father was a Southern Baptist preacher. That in itself is a wonderful thing, a blessed calling from God. The problem is that he didn't lead that life behind closed doors. I used to think that all my hurts came from my mother, but a lot of my "daddy issues" have recently been surfacing. Anywho, by the time I was a teenager, the only view of God and church that I had was centered around my father. Let's just say my view of God was seriously warped. Over the years, God has blessed me with a handful of "mama hens,"my "angels" if you will. The first one was one of my high school teachers. God used her strong faith to help lead me back to him. At age 15, she gave me The Message and gave me scripture to read. I went to church with her sometimes and even sang there a few times. One of the songs that she and I sang together was "Yes, I Believe" by Point of Grace. I can't tell you how many times I listened to that song in the process of getting it performance ready. Over time, God really began to speak to me through that song and, because God uses music to speak to my spirit, it helped me feel what it meant to own my newly forming faith. One night, I was alone and singing through it and I just started crying. That was the moment I declared for myself, "Yes, I believe."
(If you've never heard the song, check it out here.)

Secondly, the ministry of Saving Grace has changed my life. In March of 2011, I was at the lowest I think I've been, maybe ever. One of my other "mama hens" told me about this ministry she heard about around the time she met me nearly two years earlier. Desperate, I went to the website of Saving Grace (found here) to check them out. I watched a video from the founders and the song Saving Grace by Point of Grace brought me to tears. I prayed about it and God said to give them a call. I agreed, but I had my own condition. I said, "God, you get one phone call. Whatever happens from this one phone call is what's going to happen." One phone call is all it took. I was patched through to the founding lady herself and she actually remembered who I was from a conversation with that "mama hen" two years earlier. She said to me, "Girl, I have been praying for you for two years!" I had an interview that afternoon and moved in the following week. I lived there for 5 months and have now been on my own again for over a year. Through the program, I've met some of the most amazing women, many of them now my closest friends and/or mentors. I've seen brave girls do bold things. I've seen selfless love at it's finest. I've seen ridiculously hilarious, well, ridiculousness, but it's so much fun. I've seen Jesus change hearts, including my own. This ministry is growing everyday and I am telling you, it's worth supporting.

So, if you like AWESOME music and AWESOME people for an AWESOME cause, check it out! You can get tickets here and if you enter the promo code POG, you can get the cheapest tickets for just $15. Help us pack the house? It's gonna be a good time!

Be still,

Ashley Anne

Accountability

At the beginning of the school year, one of my professors talked to us about the power of speaking your goals aloud. He decided to do this fitness challenge over the summer, so he told his sisters about it for accountability's sake. He wasn't doing it as a "look at me and what I'm doing" statement, but because sharing his goal with somebody made it all the more real and made him more accountable. I heard this mini-lecture twice and it stuck with me.

All summer, my battle with bi-polar disorder and an addiction to cutting had been going so well. I am more successful now than ever...and happier...and all that jazz. Then fall classes got back into full swing and, as I approached my one-year sobriety point, I started really struggling again. It doesn't really make sense to me- maybe it's just more stress, maybe it's a mind game; I've said for so long that when I FINALLY reach the one year mark, I can really say, "See ya later, cutting!" So, naturally, as my goal gets closer, Satan is going to try to once again bring me down with all he's got.

I've been openly posting my own little hashtag countdown on Facebook and I shared my struggle with my inspirational chorale at school. Last week somebody asked me why I was talking about it with the people I see everyday. The answer is simple: accountability. In the final days of this goal-reaching struggle, I knew that making it known how close I was would make it that much harder for me to fail. Accountability, even in the most mild forms (like a hashtag countdown) can help someone so much. Speaking your goals aloud makes them more real and, for me, more achievable.

I am now 3 days away from reaching one year and I know my strength comes from my Lord! Thanks for holding me accountable friends, whether you know you are doing it or not. :)

Await the celebratory blog post in 3 days....it's gonna be big. :D

In the meantime, pray I remember to Be Still in Him,

Ashley Anne

Realization from a little operetta...

I have a voice lesson every Tuesday at 4:00 pm. My head is often spinning from rushing from one class to another all day and then through traffic to reach my teacher's home. I study with the bloody best voice teacher and opera performer, well, ever. (Can I say that? It makes me feel like Ron Weasley).  I love my lessons, because even though I often feel inadequate and unprepared, she always encourages me and I walk out with my feet once again steady on the ground, contemplating the things we work on every single week. When a concept finally clicks, I'm so proud of myself. I've been working on a beautiful French poem set to music by Gabriel Faure (1845-1924) called Ici-bas! I am singing it in French, of course, but here is my English interpretation:

"Here, all the lilacs die.

Here, the songs of the birds are short.

I dream of summers that last forever.

Here, the lips lightly touch,

but they have lost their sweetness.

I dream of kisses that last forever.

Here, every man weeps over a lost friend or lover.

I dream of lovers that last forever.

Lovers that last forever...

That last...forever."

The pitches are in my memory. My rhythm is fine. I know all of the words and pronounce them correctly. I got a little pat on the back for being "correct" but today I was pushed; I was challenged to "deeply feel" the song. For my teacher, feeling the music is her source of expressive inspiration. For me, I have to relate to text. I need to feel what I am singing about. The poem and the music are both beautiful, but today I had to think of how on earth I was going to relate to the author. I tried to think of a time when I felt like I was in a different world, a sad world...

I thought back to when I was 16 and placed in foster care. The judge put me on house arrest, not as a punishment, but to protect me. I felt cheated! It was unfair that I was being isolated in the middle of nowhere when I didn't do anything wrong! I couldn't go to school when school was my personal sanctuary (I had all of my work sent to me..."home bound" they called it). I had always believed that education would be my ticket to "overcome my raising" and "break the cycle" and all that jazz. The point is, I wanted a different life and I worked my booty off at school because, early on, I realized it was the key! And that goal kept me focused and grounded. But now, my whole world had come crashing down and I had nothing to do but spend my days sitting by  this little creek in the woods. I admit, it was gorgeous!! But I felt like I think the author of this poem might have felt. In this world, everything that was once good has now been lost. Everything is shriveled and hopeless. And I, being stuck there, experienced this sadness all the time. However, I dreamt of a day when hope would be restored. I dreamt of a day when life would turn beautiful again. 

You know what? Today I have the joy of singing this song and thinking back on the time when I felt that way to draw my inspiration. Yes, I have to think BACKWARDS! I have taken many steps forwards (and backwards) since sitting along that creek 6 years ago, but today it hit me: God is SO incredibly faithful! I am finally in my senior year of college! I am almost done, y'all! I am pursuing my passion and I love every minute of it! I am happy and healthy, a big feat! My bi-polar disorder is very well managed at this point (without the zombie drugs!) and I am just 15 days shy of being cut-free for an entire year! I have several healthy and encouraging relationships with the greatest mentors, friends, and the sweetest boyfriend a girl could ask for. But most importantly, my walk with my heavenly Father is stronger than it's ever been and it's only His strength that has brought me this far. He is the one who has restored my hope. I feel like a completely different person, many people have made comments about how "different" I am, and today I realized it's because I am a completely different person. And for that, I just wanted to give God a great big shout out and a great big thank you. He is SO good, y'all. So good. Those dreams hidden within a scared and hurting teenager are well on their way to being fulfilled. I have to actually look backwards to find those hopeless feelings that used to be so prevalent ALL the time. Wow. Wow, wow, WOW.  

Be still,

Ashley Anne :)