The spring semester is officially at full-blown pace and that pace for me is ridiculously fast. I'm in good company because the same can be said for most of the music majors I spend all day with. Let's just say my semester is booked!!!
It feels like we've been back in school forever, but it was just last week that I was receiving syllabuses and organizing my classes, trying to get a feel for the reality of what this semester looks like. By Thursday I was thinking, "Man, I am in WAY over my head here! There is absolutely no way I am going to be able to keep this pace up after a month, maybe two." Just in the first week I had already gotten into the pattern of being in class or the library or a practice room for at least 14 hours of my day, often all back to back, and my brain was fried! Thursday afternoon I had a pretty intense mental/emotional breakdown. It was awful. I thought about dropping some classes and just paying the financial consequences of being "less than full time." I thought about just quitting all together! If you've read any of my previous posts, you may know that I am trying to overcome a mental barrier about spring semesters on top of dealing with school. I just knew I was already predestined to fail. My little breakdown lasted quite a while, like 4 days. When I decided it was time to snap out of it, I started reading Psalm 37. The whole thing is wonderful, you should really check it out. :)
This really stood out to me.
"If the LORD delights in a man’s way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand." Psalm 37:23-24
This is my "mirror verse" right now. I always have a verse on my bathroom mirror and I change it when God is using a particular verse to work in my heart. If I am following wherever the Holy Spirit leads me, and I have no doubt that I am in the right place at this point in my life, God will make my steps firm. What a confidence boost! As I mentioned earlier, going into this semester I had this mental predisposition that there was no hope of success. Even attempting this semester was a crazy notion; it was predestined to be a catastrophe, an epic fail, if you will. This mentality made me feel very fragile and unsteady. I felt like I was always on the verge of breaking, just waiting for the moment that everything would fall apart. From here on out I hope I remember that in the Lord, I stand firm!
Obviously my little meltdown was a "stumble," and I have no doubt that I will stumble often this semester. It's going to be super tough and definitely a test of my faith, but God's got my back. He's not going to let me fall.
He wants to help me succeed in fulfilling His plan for me. He wants to hold me up, because I won't make it on my own. I've tried.
He will not let me fall. That blows my mind.
This second week has not been easy, but it has been much better than the last. I'm already regretting spending too much time on this post, but relying on God for strength to push through the times where I am overwhelmed to tears has made all the difference and I wanted to share. :)
Be still,
Ashley Anne
More verses for encouragement:
Psalm 37:30-31
Philipians 4:19-20
Psalm 91
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