New Year's, again!

Sometimes, disappointment can lead to deeper understanding. Other times, it may lead to a New Year's Resolution.

The first thing you should know about me is that I am a hopeless romantic and a dreamer, and combined it is a deadly weapon to any man attempting to earn my heart.

This New Year's would be my first midnight kiss if my boyfriend and I ended up in the same place. He had to be at home 2ish hours away, and I understood that, so I drove down on New Year's Eve. After spending the afternoon and evening with his family, we had 45 minutes until midnight. His brother took us to a close gas station for late night munchies and drinks and we came back. With about ten minutes to go, they decide to stay out for a smoke while I came in to get warm.

I really hate the smoking- the smell, the taste when he kisses me, the things its doing to his body, how that may impact our future, etc. and he knows it. I came in thinking, why couldn't they wait just ten more minutes? He said he'd come in early enough to clean up to kiss me. I doubted that, but let it go, naively wanting to believe him.

Now I had envisioned us doing the whole countdown thing, watching the ball drop, and having that perfect romantic kiss to end one year and begin another. The moment you see in movies, right?

Wrong. We couldn't watch the ball drop this year so we were just hanging out watching our cell phones for midnight. The final moments of 2012 were not spent smiling and counting down with excitement, but in anger and disappointment and hurt as I watched my boyfriend at the sink cleaning his mouth until the last second (even seconds after the clock turned). While I am certainly glad he did not kiss me with cigarette mouth, it was not the moment I had imagined. I felt hurt that he didn't care as much about the moment as I did. I felt hurt that he "didn't think about it." I was disappointed in myself for setting up these romantic notions in my head. That's not real life. The sappy girl in me thought, "Oh well. Let it go" and hoped, "Maybe next year."

Then it occurred to me: what if there is no next year?

What if something should happen to me, or him, or our relationship? What if other things in our lives and situations change?

And then, I FINALLY came up with my 2013 resolution.

Last year, I decided to "Be Still" more and spend more time with God. I made the effort and it has changed my life. This year, I plan to continue that relationship AND invest more in my other relationships. Live in the here and now and make the most of every single moment. Stop worrying about being so perfect and so uptight all the time. Stop working so dang hard. LOL. What if there's not another chance?

I know it sounds cliche, but it's ringing in my head and, hopefully, by this time next year, my heart.

Be still, 

Ashley Anne

PS- Checkout these CATS acting out the most common New Year's resolution. Number 5 looks familiar. ;)